my self my dear

I was scared.
I was scared and I didn't want to
Face the idea that we have to
Separate. So I cut it. I cut every little inch
From your skin which had grown on my skin,
I cut every thought that made me
Nostalgic
Regretful
Sad
Mournful
Every thought that could expose me
To the pain of losing you.

It's been 10 years since I came
Not "BACK"

But since I came to Romania
10 years.

I'm talking about making a 10 years reunion
Giving it a bit of thought together with Tiina.

It's been 10 years of torment since I
Refused to think how can I
INTEGRATE you
My dear my love
Into my life again

After being separated so brutally
After being kept apart
After hearing so many times
That
"I am ROMANIAN" so I should deal
With losing you.

"You are Romanian". Is what they say.

"I am a mix", is what I say.
I don't know what I am, is what I say.

I am a Londoner, is what I say. But I don't know how
To deal with it.

I live in Bucharest, with my family, and it would be
Too much to change cities.
But "Romanian" is just a word, a projection,
Being Romanian is something that doesn't fit
With my real identity. With who I am and
I denied for so long, for such a long time,
Because I was scared, because I didn't know
How to integrate you, my dear London, my dear self,
Larger than life, my dear
Freedom of thought, my dear Vera.

I kicked you in the face with every occasion. I deliberately
Forgot about you
Postpone you
Neglect you
Betray you
Force you to do so many things you didn't want, you didn't need
You didn't understand

I tried to kill you.

But you are here. Maybe it was a test.
A test of love. After all this, you are still here,
My dear, dear self.

And I can't lose you again.

.

Susan Lori Parks, Alice Birch, Caryl Churchill, Jezz Butterworth, Lucy Kirkwood, Lara Foot Newton, Nick Payne, Simon Block, Michael McLean, Anna Jordan, Duncan Mac Millan  

short note

This.is.a.short.note.about.writing.a.fuckin.play.about.this.discussion.about.family.between.men.and.women.which.sucks.my.brains.and.gets.me.nervous.as.shit.

Also, reading "Jerusalem" by Jez B. and remembered how amazingly inventive are dialogues when you're poor and try to keep your sense of humor cos it's all you have. Laughing histerically when describing what you haven't eaten all week. 

.

a family and a single guy on the beach. young mum and dad + 3 yo. playing wth the personal/vs public space and holiday convention seems like a good start.
discovered the amazing suzan lori parks lately. 

sketches

2 tineri cu un carucior intr-un decor postapocaliptic mergand pe langa doua guri de canal care scot aburi ca un dragon. un batran homeless cu barba sta lungit pe unul din ele. putin mai incolo, un alt batran care arata fix la fel ca celalalt sta pe jos, inconjurat de vreo 30 de carti dispuse spre vanzare, si mananca supa cu taitei dintr-un borcan. pe partea stanga, santier cu metrou in constructie. e soare.
o tipa intr-un gang cu ecou langa un cinema parasit are o replica pe suprflow agresiv, foarte lunga, catre interlocuto. ecoul supradimensioneza totul
pusti pe role, trotinete, skate-uri. in general roti de tot felul

spark

Discovered her lately:

little spark

she doesn't want to leave the house. in a subtle way, she wants to convinge Jo that it's better inside. she tries to cook. she hates the noise. the neighbors have a small baby. she can't understand why would anyone want to have babies. she tries to fool Jo so he doesn't realize that she is terrified of leaving the house. she's afraid she'll get stabbed or that they'll both die in a suicide bomb attack. it's about how you adapt to this new narrative. do you still go to the concert? do you still go for a walk in your favourite central area? do you start carrying a gun? how do you relate to this and also- how do you tell the others about your fear? do you admit this is really happening or you'll just wait until it fades away? will you live your live indoors from now on?
what other changes will happen around you?