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back to london. humid air, straight to my lungs. my mother has bought me woolen things, because there's nothing like wool, she says. wool. second day, first shopping. sainsbury's. neat stuff. carrots, spaghetti, oranges. eggs. plenty of carrots, don't know exactly why. feel like a grown up, with my neat bags goind to the cash machines. i also have toilet paper, salad, serious stuff. basic stuff. stuff for living. i am an adult. i go to the cash register and i suddenly realize i have forgotten my pin number. i know the pin from my romanian card, which i used recently, but meanwhile, during the holidays, i forgot the other one, the english one. i tell the woman at the cash register- i might have forgotten my pin number. how can we solve that? she looks into my eyes and hands me the card-machine: introduce your pin, please. she is so serious, that i type a number which resembles in a way to the number i forgotten, but of course it isn't. i look at the woman, and repeat: i forgot my pin number. then we have to wait for 5 minutes for another woman, who comes to save the day. "what happened?", says the second one. "she forgot her pin number", says the first one. "can u save the transaction?". she saves the transaction and i go home to find the paper with my pin number. i am very thirsty and have a huge head ache from the night before, when i went out with james, back to our same old tequilla trips and whiskey for the road. i go into my room, drink a big glass of water, find the pin number, go back. i write it in my telephone- aka i send a message to myself, with my pin, and i also save my number, which i don't know by heart, under the name "me". and proudly go to the sainsbury's. i enter the store. somebody's wiping a huge amount of red wine from the floor. smells like shit. the floor is greasy and stinks. like when u see huge quantities of alcohol it makes you so sick, and it makes you wonder why do you drink that disgusting shit. i proudly introduce the pin into the machine, the woman looks at it, looks at me and says: "your card has been declined". i look at her with bambi eyes. "your- card-has- been -de-clined", says she. "by whom?", i say. "by the bank.". aha. she takes my bags back, puts them behind the desk again. "is there any other means you can pay for this"? "oh yes, of course, i will go home and take cash". i mean i have some cash, how else do you want me to pay for the fuckin carrots? i once more feel like an adult who has, of course, some cash at home. and although i didn't commit any crime, i feel so relieved when she smiles at me. i mean i'm glad she doesn't suspect me of stealing that card. which is in fact mine, so why do i even think about her suspecting that i stole my own card. so i go home, drink another big glass of water, go back to sainsbury's, pay with cash, come back. put everything into the frigde, talk with my flatmate jiaojiao and decide to go out next week, all the flat-members of the flat 13, go back to my room, work a bit more. then go out and get a vodafone voucher. a good warm robot voice tells me what to do to top up my phone. when i get to the "please introduce your 12 digits number" part, she says "if you make a mistake, don't worry. just press start to start again". i am grateful for this undestanding system, who allows you to makes mistakes. i introduce the 12 digits number, but the voice says: "i'm sorry, i didn't get that." i introduce the number again. she is sorry again. after trying to introduce it like 4 or 5 times, she says: "i'm sorry i'm having such a hard time getting your number. thanks for calling. goodbye!"- and a long beeeeep after that. hmm. ok. i put the voucher under the phone, on my desk, and go back to writing. maybe tomorrow she will get it. and yes, i just tried now one more time, and she got it. the payment was successful. i will try with the bank later. maybe the bank changed its mind on declinig my card. maybe. you never know. i wonder how "the bank" looks like. is she like and old frustrated woman who didn't get a fuck in more than 20 years? is there any chance to get the bank lighten up a bit? is she mad at people? will she commit suicide soon?