dreaming and dying in teleorman, early and late edits

21 november early in the morning
a new day in front of me, a new day
to watch my grandmother dying or waiting to, a new day
to think about why people here want to correct your thinking
people see me as a utopic a bit childish dreamer who wonders
why are there wars and killings in the world (that's one branch)
or as a confused but still-to-be-taught intellectual
mesmerized by the european colored fantasy with gay people
and colored people (that's another branch)
they make me sad because i realize they have nothing to do with me
although i like them and sometimes they are my family
last night i dreamed i went to the seaside and the sea was made of snow
and ice
the snow was melting and the air was spring-ish and
there were thousands of people on the shore looking at the snow that is melting
couples holding hands, old people, young people
nobody was speaking, and even dan spataru was there.
then i saw that on the sandy part of the shore there are loads of people on camels
so many camels around me, camels taller than usual camels
hurrying somewhere in front of me, some of them werer making little dances
running around in circles, some of them were tiny some of them huge
it was a camel contest or smth
and the snow was melting, it melted it became water and i could
walk through it and when i returned a lady on a camel was sayin
that camels are just like little babies, it is incredible how childish they are.
so i wake up to a new day, change my clothes, get ready
it's really sunny outside
i hope today i won't hear that my thinking is wrong but who knows
keep it low do your shit and that's about it

[later edit]

then i go to grandma round 9 o'clock she just woke up
she says man, i walk around all night long every night [oleeee, da ce ma plimb toata noaptea]
i say in your dream? she says yea. what did you dream of? i say. grapes. she says.
and more? walkin through meadows. all night long i walk trough meadows, meadows, all night long just meadows
and meadows. [pe poieni, pe poieni. toata noaptea numa pe poieni]. i say ok. i dreamt of camels. she says- that is good.
and then she says- the wine is sooooo good this year. so many tastes. i want a bit of wine at lunch. and give me a sip of coffee. and a bit of cheese.

there's another woman in the village who is also waiting to die, same age as grandma, but
this other woman is not eating anymore. grandma asks everyday about her,
if she died already or if she's still goin. she is- well, she's not eating. i eat.
even if i don't feel like eating, i eat.

take care what boy you take, she says. you realize who he is
when u see what water he's drinkin. [iti dai tu seama cine e dupa cum se adapa]
i won't be alive but you take care to take a good boy.

[later edit]

the other woman died today 22 november.
we went me and my mum to the church
twas a ceremony with six people plus the priest seven, talking about greed and also about
the good christian that has to be fully enrolled to this new way of thinking which is christianity and has to give up
his own views and ideas and then he can be a complete man [barbat] and me and my mum looked at eachother
raisin an eyebrow so it's just for men lol anyways also went to vote today
and gave my grandma some slices of pickled tomato when i got back
i dream so much and so deep everytime i sleep, she says, last night i dreamt of neighbour niculin
who was on the roof of the house shootin and said i stay 2 more days in this job then i go on vacation
now my grandma sleeps so much because she dreams so deep and always goes on such long trips