all that shit

do you have a lighter? I'm afraid i don't. oh, you are afraid. what are you afraid of? and what are you sorry about? and why don't you trust people? and why do you pretend you care when all you want is just to get rid of another night and check it in your little inside-my-head-toy-box you carry on like bombs inside your head? i really hope, for your sake, that that bomb will go off at some point. i really hope it will fucking blow all your politeness away and help you at least try to find something real. something that is good for you. something you really want. i'm so tired of all the rambling and giggling and "oh, that's so embarrasing", and "oh, I'm so glad you're not a lesbian..." and of "ah, that's fantastic!" and of that "you allright?". today i met a guy in the bus, i was coming home late and he was like- i think that it is very sad that english people act that way. it is a sad thing. yes. i think it's very sad. and i fuckin need a B52, right now, with my friends. i am nervous, i am frustrated, i don't get it.oh, that's so lovely of you. oh, that's so great. oh, i really think you are cute. oh, no shit. oh, i'm sorry. oh, i'm so drunk. oh, that's so embarrasing.

i know one thing: i am so lucky that i met some people here who just help me get through this.