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cultural management anxiety

i am a cultural manager therefor i

give my blood and tears and night dreams to build

projects that matter

in a place that doesn't stand new projects

run by mafia and old securitate

i am a writer therefor i write

what i see and what i hear and what i see is

anxiety negativity fear

one good deed followed by three bad

one good day and then you smash your head

with guilt, remorse and mother-like worries

this is the way it goes.

will i have money for bread? can i pay the site?

can i see one month ahead?

x will need money soon, y as well

i have a baby inside me and the world seems like hell

pay the rent for rehearsal space, find time to think

about a visionary plan so your project won't sink

swim 3 meters ahead and then drown for a bit

so when you breathe again you feel this is it

a whole new revelation, a truth from above

i feel so alive now the world is brand new

so you take it from zero with new powers new goals

this time i know it, this time it will work.

your colleagues are tired and nervous and tensed

you feel you don't trust them as you don't trust yourself

you all talk of good things and always make plans

but next day when you wake up, it feels like world's end

and then you drink coffee and talk to yourself

what scared you? what happened? where did you get lost?

which day in these six years you paid such a cost

that now you sit brainless, and fail to respond

to your own thoughts?