stuff i would like to write about:
depression and loneliness in a big city, schizophrenia and Facebook, identity and how you build your identity through media, people who have many certainties, mothers who eat their daughters, daughters who eat their daughters as well, parents who eat their children and hold their children very very very close, people with anxiety, people who live only in a mental flow of counting money without realizing that there is space for something in their head, just a continuous flow of counting money and seeing life through that, people who dress up as in the case of the guy who decided to live a 5 years old's life and left his family to do that, changes of identity and ways in which people change their identity not just gender, mental rape performed by friends and habits as in friends who make you do stuff you usually do with them because that's how things are done, education and forms of education, assisted death and suicide as compensatory fantasy, a couple in which one of them, for no apparent reason, has this fantasy on a daily basis, even though they are really happy, people who program themselves to do stuff and they get closer and closer to a state of robotic dream, in which everything is programmed, dreamy and sad as if the whole world is at its apocalyptic sunset, they know what they will do, they have to know every little thing they will do, and then they do it, and if they don't do it they punish themselves, how this self-programming appeared, people who work in institutions that host young homeless people and forbidden friendships between them, as not to create attachment, institutionalized care, CCTV based friendships, people who project themselves in another physical space than the one they live in so to make it from one day to another, people who harm themselves promising things that they cannot keep and not telling that they can't keep their promise so they end up depressed and suicidal, in a mental loop of not being able to action, not being able to action as an issue in itself, people who are not able to action even if they see somebody who is dying in front of them as if they see him through a screen, the issue of building up ignorance and the way the world is just nonsensical because of the choice and pattern to ignore somebody who begs from your help on the street, people building up plans and actions that damage humanization, rape and the way people want or do not want the other one to rape them, the marriage between rape and guilt and also the need to be raped, connected with the love of the oppressed towards the oppressor and the impossibility to handle freedom, humiliation caused by precarity, political correctness taken to extremes and the negotiation of human touch, in different forms, at different levels, starting with adults who are not allowed to touch children, ending with couples who cannot touch themselves in public, PDA and PDLA, a very intense 24 hour meeting between 2 people who love each other, in different public spaces all around the world, self sabotage in its never ending forms and with different narratives, self sabotage of the immigrant in front of the locals, the story with the guy who survived the collective tragedy and his mother who stole his money, the story with 3000000 Romanians who signed the Pro Family petition, the story with the Mega Image downstairs and all the employees that run from it
i feel a shame of writing. i feel a shame of taking my time, from everything is there to be done, to do this. i don't know where this GUILT came from. i feel it as a forbidden territory. and slowly, after years, trying to unfold this in a strange very hard way, as if you pull a string from your chest, you on't even know what's there.
depression and loneliness in a big city, schizophrenia and Facebook, identity and how you build your identity through media, people who have many certainties, mothers who eat their daughters, daughters who eat their daughters as well, parents who eat their children and hold their children very very very close, people with anxiety, people who live only in a mental flow of counting money without realizing that there is space for something in their head, just a continuous flow of counting money and seeing life through that, people who dress up as in the case of the guy who decided to live a 5 years old's life and left his family to do that, changes of identity and ways in which people change their identity not just gender, mental rape performed by friends and habits as in friends who make you do stuff you usually do with them because that's how things are done, education and forms of education, assisted death and suicide as compensatory fantasy, a couple in which one of them, for no apparent reason, has this fantasy on a daily basis, even though they are really happy, people who program themselves to do stuff and they get closer and closer to a state of robotic dream, in which everything is programmed, dreamy and sad as if the whole world is at its apocalyptic sunset, they know what they will do, they have to know every little thing they will do, and then they do it, and if they don't do it they punish themselves, how this self-programming appeared, people who work in institutions that host young homeless people and forbidden friendships between them, as not to create attachment, institutionalized care, CCTV based friendships, people who project themselves in another physical space than the one they live in so to make it from one day to another, people who harm themselves promising things that they cannot keep and not telling that they can't keep their promise so they end up depressed and suicidal, in a mental loop of not being able to action, not being able to action as an issue in itself, people who are not able to action even if they see somebody who is dying in front of them as if they see him through a screen, the issue of building up ignorance and the way the world is just nonsensical because of the choice and pattern to ignore somebody who begs from your help on the street, people building up plans and actions that damage humanization, rape and the way people want or do not want the other one to rape them, the marriage between rape and guilt and also the need to be raped, connected with the love of the oppressed towards the oppressor and the impossibility to handle freedom, humiliation caused by precarity, political correctness taken to extremes and the negotiation of human touch, in different forms, at different levels, starting with adults who are not allowed to touch children, ending with couples who cannot touch themselves in public, PDA and PDLA, a very intense 24 hour meeting between 2 people who love each other, in different public spaces all around the world, self sabotage in its never ending forms and with different narratives, self sabotage of the immigrant in front of the locals, the story with the guy who survived the collective tragedy and his mother who stole his money, the story with 3000000 Romanians who signed the Pro Family petition, the story with the Mega Image downstairs and all the employees that run from it
i feel a shame of writing. i feel a shame of taking my time, from everything is there to be done, to do this. i don't know where this GUILT came from. i feel it as a forbidden territory. and slowly, after years, trying to unfold this in a strange very hard way, as if you pull a string from your chest, you on't even know what's there.
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