duminică, 21 decembrie 2008
joi, 18 decembrie 2008
miercuri, 17 decembrie 2008
marți, 16 decembrie 2008
blocked in front of this computer. trying to deal with your anger. ten ways of dealing with anger. take a walk. breathe. walk away. do some sports. run in the park. listen to music. watch tv. get some drugs. get drunk. go dance.
the first place i ever went to when i got here was embankment. i remembered walking there with you.
i don't understand shit about love anymore. i don't get it. it's a mess. it's a huge mess. feeling down and alone and constantly thinking that you are there somewhere and feeling better at the thought that i know you love me so this is supposed to make me happy and protect me. when in fact all i feel is that i constantly miss you and that i always have to fight with everything to make it work, and i get pissed when anybody else tries to mess with my feelings, acting like a hysterical freak if i feel like "the danger" of caring about somebody else like they are in fact enemies or they will turn up to be at some point all i cannot face is the anger of not having you here with me, the anger when i read your answer to my mail, the anger that i was so happy with you that i could do anything, the anger that once i've found that person that makes me fuckin dance when i walk down a street, that person that is so perfectly fit for me and i love, i have to understand and deal with the fact that we cannot be together. a mess. this is a mess. i've been trying to play brave but i am not brave i am a mess, i am emotionally fryed. i don't know what people are supposed to do when they break up like this. keep the good memories? promise promises like you did? is that what makes the breaking up easier? cry? play a song? watch a movie? break a glass? write a play? write something beautiful and tragic that makes you forget the first feeling of pain by replacing it with the joy of gaining a good piece of literature like all writers do?smth like- " useful experiences that enrich your life and talent"? another intense experience? is that it? put the blame on the other? take the blame on you, like you did, though you are not right and it is NOT entirely your fault? take a shower? laugh at yourself for beeing such a drama queen? make a photoshop colage with pictures of you and me and hearts and sunny skies?
london experience blog- dealing with loss. insomnia. dealing with your own need for love. dealing with going to clubs and kissing with guys and girls and playing cool just until the bouncers get us out, walking in cold and sleeping the next day off, the familiar shit you do so well. the party. the hangover. the cleaning up. the library. the conspects. the plans. the mistakes. the little laziness-es. the recovery. the same shit as always. pretending it never happened to me that i was so happy with you. oh i'm such a strong independent party girl. live the moment. erase your feelings. fuck all that. i feel i'm transforming into a cyborg. when i'll be back in ro i'll have the face and sould of the perfect fit for the 2010 robot. right? the training. the change. the perfection. come back a winner and do something for your country. there's something not workin in this paradigm. everybody wants you to be the winner. you also want to win - at least over your emotions for starters. but what if you choose honesty for example instead of all this constant training for winning that the world imposes upon you? what if you make that switch and get to be a weak honest lonely confused looser? is honesty more precious than this constant striving to win?
sâmbătă, 13 decembrie 2008
OFFENSIVE OF GENEROSITY
1. You work with a community.
2. You document and archive.
3. You share (creative education workshops).
4. The artistic product is only a consequence of the first three steps (active-creative / community creation).
WE WORK TOGETHER. WE BUILD TOGETHER A NETWORK FOR EXCHANGING IDEAS, METHODS, WORKING TOOLS, RESOURCES.
WE RECOGNIZE EACHOTHER USING THIS ICON:
WE LET EACH OTHER KNOW EVERY TIME WE TAKE ACTION:
FIRST COMMUNITY ACTION TOGETHER: WE PASS THIS ON.
...meet the rabies babies.
saw them at the waterloo squat last night. finally some familiar fresh air in there. felt like home in a way. big squat room at the old buddhist centre, a few people, mulled wine and the first time ever somebody gave me here tequilla with orange and cinnamon- it is the way i usually drink it at home, but here i had to obey 2 the salt and lemon rules. and these crazy girls, the rabies babies, which i loved, with the smashing hit of the evening- i fought the floor and the floor won. then there was victor menace, "The original sound of Ninja Folk! A fusion of fast paced all-original gypsy and classical melodies, laced with occasional cock-rock moments, swing and reggae grooves, and a sprinkling of tourette's induced expletives." - as they describe themselves on their myspace page. a fire outside, dark alleys and a fence, a dog, and the same old feeling of "who gets the cigarretes"? i never asked for cigarettes to people on the street or in a club here, would never even consider doing that, but last night there was a bit of thet feeling- oh, we have no more ciggarettes? don't worry, I'll get some. hahaha.
miercuri, 10 decembrie 2008
... and my christmas present for james:
duminică, 7 decembrie 2008
Dehumanization, which marks not only those whose humanity has been stolen, but also (though in a different way) those who have stolen it, is a distortion of the vocation of becoming fully human. "
(P. Freire, Pedagogy of the oppressed)
the best part of the alienation comes when people come to the situation when they turn one against the other when really they are on the same side and they are fighting for the same things. it's another one of the small petty victories of dehumanization and despair. why not have a multitude of frustrated lonely and angry people who don't want to speak to eachother instead of a big group of people who know what they want and can rely on eachother? because the group could be a threat. many lonely persons are more likely to be dominated and fooled. so come on barbie let's go party. resident evil.
sâmbătă, 6 decembrie 2008
joi, 4 decembrie 2008
i know one thing: i am so lucky that i met some people here who just help me get through this.